14-Harris

I was listening to my ipod today in shuffle mode. Ben Folds’ “Gracie” came on.

It’s a song about his daughter..her growing up.

It was the end that really got me – he sings

“there will always be a part of me, nobody else is ever going to see but you and me, my little girl, my Gracie girl”

I got to wondering what part it is of me that my Gracie sees when the two of us are alone.

Sometimes it’s my frustration that I’ve been peed on- again.

Sometimes it’s kisses on her cheek.

Sometimes it’s tears.

Sometimes it’s singing in her ear.

Sometimes it’s a prayer.

Sometimes it’s me telling her it’s going to be ok.

Sometimes it’s me saying “ I got you, I got you, I got you” as we wait for a seizure to pass.

Sometimes it’s me begging her to cooperate.

Sometimes it’s me telling her how much I love her.

Sometimes it’s just quiet- a snuggle- the longness of her body somehow still fitting into the shortness of mine.

Sometimes it’s me telling her “I’m almost done- I promise” as I comb her hair or brush her teeth.

Sometimes it’s me asleep beside her.

My Gracie has seen me:

Desperate and sad.

Brave and confident.

Madder than I ever knew I could get.

Exhausted.

Impatient.

Thankful.

Vulnerable.

Laugh with pride.

Experience wonder.

Experience grief.

Embrace quiet.

Experience love.

Experience doubt.

Try, and try, and try again.

I value very much that part of me that Gracie sees that no one else does. My thanks to Ben Folds for pointing it out.

Joy

 

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