One of the most frustrating things about Grace – and one of the things I admire about her the most is that wherever she is – she is!  There’s no faking it for her – no putting her best foot forward, no fear that someone will get the wrong first impression, if it’s engaging she’ll continue, if it’s not she won’t.  Whether its staring at herself in the mirror at dance as all the other kids run around during free dance, trying to get the puppets we were making in Sunday School away from her dad when they were only half finished, or resting her head on the rear of “her” horse Sterling as she rides – that’s what she feels like, that’s what she does.  The frustrating part is that I – with all my “worldly knowledge” fear that people will judge her, give up on her, not appreciate her, or undervalue her abilities if she’s at the point where she’s just not going to do something.  It’s not like I can explain it to her either – no children’s books on manners, dinner time conversation, car talks, snapping my fingers at her (like my mom used to do) or giving her “the look” is going to change her mind.  I still try though to talk to her and tell her to try harder.  We pick her up off of Sterling’s rear end and make her sit upright, we encourage her big ballerinas to keep after her in dance class- sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  Many times I find myself laughing sometimes in frustration, sometimes in admiration and love for this little girl who may appear weak – but whose will is very strong.  What must it be like to not worry about all that other stuff – to just be who you are?  Grace will probably never tell – so I’m forced to watch, wonder, and admire what I feel must be a gift.

Joy

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