Archives for the month of: June, 2009

Grace and I took a walk tonight.  We walked up the street 2 houses and then across the street and 5 houses up.  All the while I held her hand.  We encountered several obstacles, loose concrete, curbs, dirt, gravel, sticks, so many things for her to experience!  So much can change about our environment – even just 7 houses from home.  There was a lot of stopping.  Grace seems fascinated by trees – she looks up at them and smiles.  Next time I’ll bring a camera with me and try to capture the look on her face.

Just a few more things to share about her walking:  Sometimes her feet get going faster than she can keep up with and she almost runs for a few steps.    I envy her ability to balance – you definitely can’t hurry her along if she hasn’t got herself steadied.  She doesn’t go around things in her way – she’d prefer to just go right over them.  (Hoover has learned to get out of her way.)  Those little feet of hers…. they are doing such wonderful things.

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There are days when I actually think to myself…. I wish Grace didn’t have epilepsy.  Surprisingly (or maybe not) I don’t think I have those days very often.

If Grace didn’t have epilepsy she could have played in the water gun fun in our neighborhood tonight.  If Grace didn’t have epilepsy she would be talking to me by now.  If Grace didn’t have epilepsy the thud I heard this morning while I was combing my hair would not have been a seizure that held onto her for several seconds…. it would have been something more normal….whatever that is… I don’t know that I would know.  If Grace didn’t have epilepsy the picture here wouldn’t even have been taken.  There’d be no helmet (though I’ve come to terms with it )- and there’d be no crash-tested stroller necessary that keeps her so restrained.

I’ve been thinking about all the time I spent at Wesley Woods at Exceptional Persons Camp.  Its a significant amount of time.  It was my very first year when I remember being exhausted one evening…. and Bob the director told me….. that sometimes when you think it’s more than you can handle- you just have to fake it.  That if you can get yourself going, God will be there- the energy will follow – and that you may even find peace.

I don’t know for sure where Bob is anymore…. but he taught me a lot about myself, and about God.  All that time ago I was learning what I would need to know to be here where I am tonight- able to realize that Grace without epilepsy is not the Grace that I love so much, that without epilepsy I would have missed things – taken them for granted.

Maybe the part that I wasn’t ready for when Bob first shared this thought with me is that its a cycle….  you don’t just stop at peace…. you run into things where again you have to step out in faith and believe.  We all have days when we wish something isn’t the way it is.

I know – no great new thought here….just a simple truth – but somedays I need to remind myself.

Oh how I love her.

Goodnight.  Thanks for letting me take these things and send them out into the universe.

Joy